Danny* is 52 years old. He has been chronically homeless for most of the last 10 years, and before that he existed primarily on the generosity of family members. He has run-ins with pot and alcohol and while he is one of the tenderest people I know, about six months ago he was arrested for cutting a guy in the soup kitchen. And, his favorite topic of conversation is women.
Because of this last fact, I was not surprised when he told me he had a girlfriend. He always has a girlfriend, or needs a girlfriend or wants a girlfriend. In his mind, he is Casanova, with women swooning at his every word. We laugh at him, and with him a lot. Maybe you can tell.
What did surprise me, however, was when he told me his girlfriend was in college. And 18. And that her parents loved him. At first, I put it off to his normal bragging. But he was pretty insistent.
It turns out, she was one of several college kids who hang out in the park and befriend the under-resourced who hang out there, usually waiting on the soup kitchen to open. She was nice to Danny, talked to him and, in his mind, he had a new girlfriend. Her parents had Danny over for dinner (trying to be nice) and this only drove the point home more. She was oblivious to this until we clued her in.Then, she was mortified, scared to death she had done something to lead him on or make him think that she was ‘interested’ in him.
She did not do anything wrong. She just did not know how Danny’s world operates. In his world, if you are a woman, there are three possibilities: You are either someone’s mother, someone’s sister or someone’s girlfriend (or rarely, wife). In his world, there are no liberated women who define their own identity. It is a possibility that never even comes up.
And before you call Danny a sexist pig, realize that the women who are his peers encourage this. The women who live on the street are always accompanied by a man for protection. There are no single, liberated women in their world either.
* Names are changed to protect the confidentiality of those who trust me with their friendship.
I guess that explains all the rumors I’ve heard about you, Hugh. I’m sure everyone on the street thinks these two have something going on, further perpetuating their simplistic thoughts on women. You’ve been doing this for a while and I bet you still get amazed when you discover the world view of some of the people you meet. If someone is down at the park they are typically looking for sex, trying to scam some money or drugs, or are part of a church. People typically take one look at me and say, “So what church are you from?” When I tell them I’m not really from a church, you can see the wheels of confusion spin in their head as they try to figure out what it is that I am doing down there. God only knows what conclusions they come up with.
I was rethinking about this blog yesterday and the influence of hip hop culture. I remembered when Don Imus made his comment about the Rutgers girls basketball team, referring to them as nappy ass hoes, and someone compared this to what Snoop Dogg does with his music. Snoop Doggs response was this:
“It’s a completely different scenario, [Rappers] are not talking about no collegiate basketball girls who have made it to the next level in education and sports. We’re talking about ho’s that’s in the ‘hood that ain’t doing sh–, that’s trying to get a n—a for his money. These are two separate things.”
I think Hugh is a little more PC than Snoop, but I think they’re both telling us the same story. You usually don’t find these collegiate girls down at the park.